Getting a better job, earning more money, going on luxury holidays, buying an expensive watch, getting the car you dreamt of. Generally associated with success, all these things can bring a feeling of happiness and satisfaction to many. The slight problem is that once achieved, acquired or experienced, the novelty seems to wear off. You got that job. Some time later, it’s likely you’ll have your eyes on the next as this one isn’t all you imagined. The brand new car? It’s not so new any more. However your mood was before reaching your financial goal, it’s likely you’ll return to it. This “hedonic treadmill” (read more here ) shows that whatever our disposition, whether veering towards positive or negative, we will eventually settle on it, no matter what went before. So for those who tend towards a more negative way of thinking, any happiness they experience will dip back to their usual mindset. This cycle, for many, is enormously frustrating. Work hard to achieve something in the hope it will bring happiness, to later find your are back at square one. In my experience, coaching many successful and driven people, if their innate tendency is to focus on negatives, they will only see fleeting glimpses of positivity. So success doesn’t make them happy. They just maintain their usual outlook. They tend to consult a coach when this has been going on for a while as having a negative focus can drain energy and make motivation a challenge.
Human beings have a natural bias for the negative
Research has shown that human beings have a natural tendency towards negativity. Negative experiences stay with us longer, if we hear good news and bad news, we’re hard wired to remember the bad. It’s known that we tend to learn faster from pain than pleasure and will identify sad faces quicker than happy ones. According to scientific research, brain activity differs between those with a positive outlook and those on the negative spectrum. It’s believed that we are born with this disposition – yes, some of us are born wide eyed, looking at the bright side, and others, seeking the risks and downsides. Whilst risk analysis is immensely useful, living your life feeling things will never go your way is not easy.
I was born like this ….
“I was born like this” is a line I often hear when discussing how clients perceive events in a negative light.
So does that mean nothing can be done?
Read anything by Mihaly Csikszentimihalyi or Martin Seligman, forefathers of positive psychology, and you’ll find that they think not. Happiness can be achieved by changing one’s thinking. By setting tasks that eventually become habits that bring a focus to the positive instead of the negative. You can train yourself to feel positive. I absolutely agree with them. I’ve seen it with many clients, who’ve chosen to step up to the challenge and re-programme themselves to adopt a more positive mindset.
I’m not pretending it’s easy to re-train a lifetime of negative bias. You have to want to do it, and will benefit from support. But the benefits are that you’ll see things more clearly when it comes to life and work. It’s likely you’ll feel energised and motivated. This energy is contagious and many leaders find it has benefits across the whole business. So does success make us happy? Not necessarily. It is more likely that happiness makes us successful.
If you’d like to know more about coaching for a more positive outlook, email info@catrinmacdonnell.co.uk.
https://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.png00Catrin Coachinghttps://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.pngCatrin Coaching2015-09-21 12:34:322017-01-16 13:43:53Success makes us happy. Or does it?
When I was working full time running my other business, I decided to work with a coach to see what impact they might have. I had been getting frustrated about being so involved with the day to day of the business and wanted to move forward (or get out). It was all a bit of a vicious circle as I was so busy in the business, I couldn’t take time (or at least I thought I couldn’t) to stop and think about direction and what we wanted for the business. Read more
https://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.png00Catrin Coachinghttps://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.pngCatrin Coaching2015-07-06 12:36:022017-01-16 13:48:35Choose to do something
Working with a senior executive at an engineering firm recently, I was again reminded about how so many people never celebrate their achievements or success. They power on to the next project without taking a moment to step back and congratulate themselves. They might even go as far as congratulating their team, or those involved in the success, but seem to overlook actually giving themselves a pat on the back. This person was talented, doing well in their career, enjoying many aspects of it and popular with their team and senior leaders. However they felt stressed out and a little ’empty’ as they felt that they just weren’t succeeding.
As a coach, I work with many people who are pretty driven and have high expectations, just like this executive. They often expect more from themselves than they would ever dream of asking of others. If they let themselves down, they berate themselves and continue cracking the whip. If you recognise this pattern as something you do, then you will know that it is pretty relentless, and enormously exhausting. No matter how successful you are, you rarely feel accomplished or successful. Your mind just focuses on the negatives, the failings, and criticism.
Stop for a moment!Take a step back
Ask yourself if this cycle is beneficial to you or those around you. If the answer is yes, then by all means, continue. However, if there is even a tiny part of you that feels there must be another way, then take a break and think what you can do to change this behaviour. Continuing with this cycle can lead to burn out and stress, which is not something to head for lightly.
It’s not just the inner critic that makes us set another goal before we’ve celebrated the last – it’s often the fear of judgment and a worry about what others think. If you compare yourself with others constantly, you’re also likely to think you need to press on to catch up. You might have had family that never voiced how proud they were of you and continually found reasons to criticise….. Then it’s hard to see yourself as successful, or to allow the inner voice to encourage and support.
Starter for ten…
Here are three simple ways to take a moment to focus on your successes.
When did you last tell someone about your achievements? If you don’t feel comfortable about this, why not write some down. Be kind to yourself and realise that self-flagellation is not necessarily the only way to succeed. If you take a moment to focus on what you have achieved, it’s a moment to down tools, get some perspective, let some positive feelings flood your brain. “But I may never get back to being a high achiever again – I might start slacking” is a response I often hear. Ask yourself ‘who is in control?’ Are you likely to suddenly change a lifetime of hard working to become switched off? Challenge that belief, and know that you can take a break without the fear of losing your drive for ever. It’s highly likely that after a moment of self congratulation, you will approach the next project with renewed enthusiasm and greater energy levels.
Imagine yourself at the age of 85, looking back on your life. How will it feel if you realise you never stopped to look at what you’d accomplished? Take 20 minutes to ask yourself this question, as see where it takes you.
If you struggle to take a break and notice your achievements, you might benefit from looking into methods of achieving mindfulness, of increasing your ability to focus on now instead of pushing on to the future. There is plenty available online to inspire you.
The E-Myth by Michael E Gerber, is not a new book. But it still has great relevance. The basic message is that starting a business is not so straightforward and success is not automatic just because you’re good at a trade. For example, somebody who loves making cakes, and is told by friends and family “you should go into business”, might find themselves struggling if they set up a cake shop and spend all their time wanting to make cakes.
https://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.png00Catrin Coachinghttps://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.pngCatrin Coaching2015-02-26 12:14:102021-02-15 12:19:50The Entrepreneur Myth and starting a business
Saboteur: a person who deliberately destroys or obstructs something.
Know one of these at work? Many of us do or have done. They’re the ones that react negatively to your ideas and suggestions, they generally have a cynical quip to put you down and enjoy reminding you of your failures and weaknesses. They may not be openly doing this but the effect that have, however they go about it, will be that.
https://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.png00Catrin Coachinghttps://www.catrinmacdonnell.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Catrin_Logo4-300x115.pngCatrin Coaching2015-01-26 12:21:212021-02-15 12:27:54Coaching and the saboteur
Success makes us happy. Or does it?
Our outlook affects how we react to success.
Getting a better job, earning more money, going on luxury holidays, buying an expensive watch, getting the car you dreamt of. Generally associated with success, all these things can bring a feeling of happiness and satisfaction to many.
The slight problem is that once achieved, acquired or experienced, the novelty seems to wear off. You got that job. Some time later, it’s likely you’ll have your eyes on the next as this one isn’t all you imagined. The brand new car? It’s not so new any more. However your mood was before reaching your financial goal, it’s likely you’ll return to it. This “hedonic treadmill” (read more here ) shows that whatever our disposition, whether veering towards positive or negative, we will eventually settle on it, no matter what went before.
So for those who tend towards a more negative way of thinking, any happiness they experience will dip back to their usual mindset. This cycle, for many, is enormously frustrating. Work hard to achieve something in the hope it will bring happiness, to later find your are back at square one.
In my experience, coaching many successful and driven people, if their innate tendency is to focus on negatives, they will only see fleeting glimpses of positivity. So success doesn’t make them happy. They just maintain their usual outlook. They tend to consult a coach when this has been going on for a while as having a negative focus can drain energy and make motivation a challenge.
Research has shown that human beings have a natural tendency towards negativity. Negative experiences stay with us longer, if we hear good news and bad news, we’re hard wired to remember the bad. It’s known that we tend to learn faster from pain than pleasure and will identify sad faces quicker than happy ones.
According to scientific research, brain activity differs between those with a positive outlook and those on the negative spectrum. It’s believed that we are born with this disposition – yes, some of us are born wide eyed, looking at the bright side, and others, seeking the risks and downsides. Whilst risk analysis is immensely useful, living your life feeling things will never go your way is not easy.
“I was born like this” is a line I often hear when discussing how clients perceive events in a negative light.
So does that mean nothing can be done?
Read anything by Mihaly Csikszentimihalyi or Martin Seligman, forefathers of positive psychology, and you’ll find that they think not. Happiness can be achieved by changing one’s thinking. By setting tasks that eventually become habits that bring a focus to the positive instead of the negative. You can train yourself to feel positive.
I absolutely agree with them. I’ve seen it with many clients, who’ve chosen to step up to the challenge and re-programme themselves to adopt a more positive mindset.
I’m not pretending it’s easy to re-train a lifetime of negative bias. You have to want to do it, and will benefit from support. But the benefits are that you’ll see things more clearly when it comes to life and work. It’s likely you’ll feel energised and motivated. This energy is contagious and many leaders find it has benefits across the whole business.
So does success make us happy? Not necessarily. It is more likely that happiness makes us successful.
If you’d like to know more about coaching for a more positive outlook, email info@catrinmacdonnell.co.uk.
Choose to do something
Choice
When I was working full time running my other business, I decided to work with a coach to see what impact they might have. I had been getting frustrated about being so involved with the day to day of the business and wanted to move forward (or get out). It was all a bit of a vicious circle as I was so busy in the business, I couldn’t take time (or at least I thought I couldn’t) to stop and think about direction and what we wanted for the business. Read more
Coaching and celebrating success
You celebrated your achievements?
Working with a senior executive at an engineering firm recently, I was again reminded about how so many people never celebrate their achievements or success. They power on to the next project without taking a moment to step back and congratulate themselves. They might even go as far as congratulating their team, or those involved in the success, but seem to overlook actually giving themselves a pat on the back. This person was talented, doing well in their career, enjoying many aspects of it and popular with their team and senior leaders. However they felt stressed out and a little ’empty’ as they felt that they just weren’t succeeding.
As a coach, I work with many people who are pretty driven and have high expectations, just like this executive. They often expect more from themselves than they would ever dream of asking of others. If they let themselves down, they berate themselves and continue cracking the whip. If you recognise this pattern as something you do, then you will know that it is pretty relentless, and enormously exhausting. No matter how successful you are, you rarely feel accomplished or successful. Your mind just focuses on the negatives, the failings, and criticism.
Stop for a moment!Take a step back
Ask yourself if this cycle is beneficial to you or those around you. If the answer is yes, then by all means, continue. However, if there is even a tiny part of you that feels there must be another way, then take a break and think what you can do to change this behaviour. Continuing with this cycle can lead to burn out and stress, which is not something to head for lightly.
It’s not just the inner critic that makes us set another goal before we’ve celebrated the last – it’s often the fear of judgment and a worry about what others think. If you compare yourself with others constantly, you’re also likely to think you need to press on to catch up. You might have had family that never voiced how proud they were of you and continually found reasons to criticise….. Then it’s hard to see yourself as successful, or to allow the inner voice to encourage and support.
Starter for ten…
Here are three simple ways to take a moment to focus on your successes.
When did you last tell someone about your achievements? If you don’t feel comfortable about this, why not write some down. Be kind to yourself and realise that self-flagellation is not necessarily the only way to succeed. If you take a moment to focus on what you have achieved, it’s a moment to down tools, get some perspective, let some positive feelings flood your brain. “But I may never get back to being a high achiever again – I might start slacking” is a response I often hear. Ask yourself ‘who is in control?’ Are you likely to suddenly change a lifetime of hard working to become switched off? Challenge that belief, and know that you can take a break without the fear of losing your drive for ever. It’s highly likely that after a moment of self congratulation, you will approach the next project with renewed enthusiasm and greater energy levels.
Imagine yourself at the age of 85, looking back on your life. How will it feel if you realise you never stopped to look at what you’d accomplished? Take 20 minutes to ask yourself this question, as see where it takes you.
If you struggle to take a break and notice your achievements, you might benefit from looking into methods of achieving mindfulness, of increasing your ability to focus on now instead of pushing on to the future. There is plenty available online to inspire you.
Try the above, and let me know how it goes.
The Entrepreneur Myth and starting a business
Are all small business owners entrepreneurs?
The E-Myth by Michael E Gerber, is not a new book. But it still has great relevance. The basic message is that starting a business is not so straightforward and success is not automatic just because you’re good at a trade. For example, somebody who loves making cakes, and is told by friends and family “you should go into business”, might find themselves struggling if they set up a cake shop and spend all their time wanting to make cakes.
Read moreCoaching and the saboteur
Saboteur: a person who deliberately destroys or obstructs something.
Know one of these at work? Many of us do or have done. They’re the ones that react negatively to your ideas and suggestions, they generally have a cynical quip to put you down and enjoy reminding you of your failures and weaknesses. They may not be openly doing this but the effect that have, however they go about it, will be that.
Read more