Coaching and the saboteur

Saboteur: a person who deliberately destroys or obstructs something.

Know one of these at work? Many of us do or have done.  They’re the ones that react negatively to your ideas and suggestions, they generally have a cynical quip to put you down and enjoy reminding you of your failures and weaknesses. They may not be openly doing this but the effect that have, however they go about it, will be that.

They can suck the positive energy out of a room and make sure any good energy will plummet to the depths of icy negativity.  They are pretty powerful people and it takes a lot of energy to ignore them or try and change them. The good thing is that you don’t have to live with these workplace saboteurs.

You can go home and forget about them. Or can you? Have you ever felt that the saboteur actually comes home with you? Have you ever heard of the internal saboteur? Or the internal critic?  When you want to try something new or take a bit of time out to enjoy yourself, does the internal saboteur tell you “you can’t do it” or “you should be working or doing something useful”? So many people allow the saboteur to thrive and “destroy and obstruct” their success and happiness.

Many coaching clients have told me how the saboteur tells them they are letting everyone down, or they are not good enough for their role. They can miss out on opportunities as the saboteur tells them to be quiet and avoid the limelight. Or it says you can’t be pleased with something you’ve done as it could have been so much better. It can be extremely debilitating and take the enjoyment out of otherwise enjoyable experiences.

So what can be done?

When I work with coaching clients who allow the saboteur to run amok, I suggest they first make an effort to notice when the saboteur kicks in.  Noticing is the first step.  This is where awareness begins, and without awareness, nothing can be changed.

Then what? Then question what he or she is saying.  If the voice says “you’re bound to fail“, simply stop and ask “really? – based on what evidence?”. If you dig down and unpick why the voice sabotages your action, you’ll more often than not find that it’s based on an old belief or habit that can be challenged. Questioning these beliefs is essential if you want to break free from these negative thoughts. The brain can often confuse beliefs with facts, and we need to be aware of this.

“But that’s just how I am, I’ve always been like that!”

Believe me, you can change. You just have to want to. And it can help to speak to others about it.

This sounds simple in theory – but it takes some practice.  Start by simply noticing when your internal saboteur pops up.  Make a mental note. No need to criticise, just acknowledge that this is a thought pattern you have.  As you become more confident, challenge the saboteur. Ask yourself,

“What would be a more useful thought?”

Clients have found that challenging their negative thoughts have made an enormous difference to their lives, both at work and at home. Coaching really does help with this, as externalising your inner thoughts makes it easier to work out how useful of obstructive they are and then you can decided what might be more useful.

Get in touch if you’d like to talk about coaching.

07785 996917  info@catrinmacdonnell.co.uk